So back in September, I made a blog post regarding adjusting my...
So I have decided to give healthy a try. I am so disgusted by myself that I can’t stand it anymore. So on tap for today: shake w/ flaxseed strawberries blueberries raspberries mango pineapple skim milk and C-boost. It’s pretty good! Then I have a greek yogut w/ apples and cinnamon concoction I made, salad with grilled chicken and some peanuts as snack #2. I am going to join the gym down the street-no money down two months free so I can at least get on a treadmill.
After having a migraine for 5 days, it went away on Sat just in time for a photo shoot with Scott & Kirsten. I wasn’t the model but did do the hair and makeup. I saw the raw shots and I love them. I’ll post some when they’re done editing. Me and my chins are in some of them! Next week I have a makeover session with a young woman in Salem- excited for that.
Have a Motives party planned for the end of the month and other inquiries on them. If you live in the Boston/NH area and want to play with makeup and want to host a party, let me know!
Well as I sit here burning some cleansing incense I think about how 2012 flew by. I was trying to think of all my accomplishments and you know I can’t really think of anything stand outish.
2012: I started therapy in February and I am still going which has been a plus. I actually stuck with it which I feel is an accomplishment. I still struggle with eating and my weight. I gained back everything I lost and then some. I was able to go five weeks without using laxatives until this past couple of days. Just reflecting on the year and the failure I classified it as really made me feel down and fat and worthless.
I started promoting my small business more and started promoting for Motives and I have to say that I am enjoying that. I hope it continues in 2013. I have learned a lot from the Motives Nor Cal team and Ronica has been so far a great mentor and leader/cheerleader.
I got through a round of layoffs at work. I really thought my job was in jeopardy. I know my boss isn’t crazy about me and I’m sure would prefer to have his previous CS manager back but he did give me some nice compliments and knows I am working hard at what I do.
I lost a lot of friends this year but became closer with others and have. It’s nice to have the small support team that I have. I know my decisions have and will push more people away but I know the ones who stand with me are the ones who truly count. Some of the ones who still care about me came as a surprise and I stand by friends are the family you choose.
I saw a medium that helped me connect with my mom. To hear that “you have so many angels behind you” was so comforting which I needed. Also that my mom apologized for not being able to protect me from what happened to me as a kid was also huge. It saddened me in the way that it took till after death for her to believe me. If you know the story (the less than handful of people) you know what I am referring to. I am starting to tear up so I need to stop.
2013: I guess I need to tie up all my loose ends and really get back to who I am. I want to do more with my hair/makeup. I want to lose all of the weight I gained in a healthy way. I want to kick my laxative addiction permanently. I want to be more relaxed and less anxious. I want to focus on myself and me being happy and not so much everyone else being happy. I am tired of sacrificing myself for everyone else. I want to do some more fun photography-I really like it. I want to get rid of all the stuff I don’t need ( I have a lot of stuff lol). I want to finish my sleeve (well it will be a half most likely). I want to focus on my relationships with the ones who are close to me and distance myself from those who are not willing to understand and appreciate me. I want to not get upset at those people-it’s not their fault and they will be the ones missing out. I want to get into a me ritual where I relax at some point every day even for 30 minutes. I want to be better.