Blondes are noticed- REDHEADS are never forgotten.

Diary of a not so average redhead....
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*** Went through and edited it as best I could. For those new to this saga, this lady has emailed me every week in all caps, no spell check and no punctuation. Every week she’s either just had a baby or pregnant again (in the pudden club as she puts it). I am sending her an email that if she insists on emailing this crap every week, can you please check your spelling and grammar-I am getting a headache. ****
Renee
HI LOVE THE UNDIES BUT AS I HAD A SON A FEW WEEKS AGO WELL THE OLD DOCTOR CAME IN HE TOOK ONE LOOKE AT ME AND ASKED THE NURSE IF SHE WONLD TAKE A  TEST. SO I GAVE ONE AND THE OLD DOC CAME IN THIS MORNING AND I WAS PUTTING BABY DOWN I HAD ON MY CROTCHLESS LEGGINGS AND THE DOC LOOKED HE SAID I AM  STILL AS FAT. WELL SAID I AM TRYING. WELL HE SAID YOU ARE PREGNANT AGAIN. WELL I SAID WE HAVE DONE IT  FIRST TIME AGAIN.     WELL HE SAID THAT BELLY IS ABOUT TO GET FATTER AND I AM VERY FAT. JUST NOW SO WHAT SIZE WILL I GET THIS TIME.
SO HUBBY CAME IN. HE SAID TO HUBBY YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR DAD. HE LOOKED GETTING THE WIFE IN THE  PUDDEN CLUB AGAIN. SO HUBBYS DAD AND MUM CAME IN. THE BOTH LOOKED THE DOC SAAID TO HIS DAD HE IS DEFINATELY TAKING AFTER HIS DAD. HE SAID HOW DO YOU MEAN WELL THE DOC SAID HOW MANY TIME DID YOU HAVE YOUR WIFE PREGNANT HE SAID ABOUT 24 TIME. WELL HE SAID LIKE SON LIKE DAD. HIS WIFE IS PREGNANT AGAIN. HIS MUM SAID I AM SO PLEASED. SHE SAID YOU ARE GOING TO GET A LOT FATTER THIS TIME. SO THE DOC LOOKED AT HER HE SAID I MUST SAY I WAS LOOKING AT YOU THE OTHER  DAY AND YOU HAVE BEEN PUTING ON SOME AMOUNT OF WEIGHT. HE WENT OVER AND LOOKED AT THE BELLY SHE HAS GOT. HE SAID WHAT A BIG BELLY. HE SAIS YOUR AS FAT AS THE DAUGHTER IN LAW AND SHE IS PREGNANT. I SIAD TO MANY COOKED PISE. SHE SAID MY FOOD. SHE HAS GOT A FINE BIG BELLY ON HER. WELL HE SAID TIME FOR THE SCALE. SO I TOOK OUT MY SCALE AND SHE HAD TO GET ON IT. WELL HE LOOKED HE SAID TIME I PUT YOU ON A DIET. SO I AM NOW ONCE AGAIN EXPECTING ANOTHER BABY.

I dedicate this page to you, the customer… the customer who peacocks around with their sense of entitlement, makes it very clear that they firmly believe they are better than anyone who works in retail, believe that even when they are 100% wrong that they are 300% right and does their best to make the retail employee feel like dog shit because they in fact suck at life.

Hi I’m a customer and I bought this here bra like four months ago. I’ve worn it every day and washed it in the machine and now it’s broken and I think you should replace it for me.

Sure customer!!!! In four months please call us back one that one is black and broken so we can replace that one for you too! Is there anything else I can get you? Would you like free express shipping on your replacement for the inconvenience of one bra not withstanding 120+ days of straight wear!? Or maybe I can drive it to your house myself-or I could walk….

Or you could JUST SHUT UP?

You’ll all be happy to know that my favorite full of shit customer emailed me today to let me know that she & her husband had twin boys and she is already pregnant and showing again! I’ll have to congratulate “her” and see if she responds. She never answered my last email-that made me sad. She doesn’t care about me at all… anyways, here’s her latest email. I fixed it so that all of the letters aren’t running together (and I still have no idea why she types in all caps)

HI WELL  I THOUGHT I WA GETTING BACK INTO MY BRA. I HAD TWIN BOYS NINE WEEKS AGO. ALL IS WELL SO HUBBY AND  I HAD OUR PRIVATE TIME JUST AFTER THEY WERE BORN.  SO HUBBY GOT INTO BED BESIDE ME. WELL THINKS HAPPENED AND WELL I AM PREGNANT ONCE AGAIN AND BELLY IS SHOWING.

I added a page for some retail tales. I started with 10 things I hate about you….customer. Will be adding to this page as I go.

xoxo

Mistress of Darkness

Renee Ann

if everyone else jumped of a bridge would you jump with them? Ah, famous words of a parent-well at least mine. I remember always wanting to do what everyone else was doing and it’s funny now I hate following the drones who are all doing the same thing. I don’t “trend”… there are no Crocs, Uggs, or big boot fur boots in my closet, I don’t have an Iphone, no Japanese writing tattooed anywhere, and I hate that Goate song. I’m not saying it’s bad to follow the crowd, I just choose to not. I’m not trying to preach individuality to anyone, frankly I don’t care what anyone else does or is doing.

Not caring what everyone else is doing brings me to my first customer of the day. Keep in mind I’ve been up since 3:30am with three sick dogs (wonderful) and have had maybe 4 hrs of sleep. I haven’t eaten yet either. So I get this:

Her: So, I bought these things a few months ago and I don’t like them and want to return them.

Me:Our normal return policy is 30 days, these are 5 months old. If the items are in completely salable condition, you can send them back for credit or exchange.

Her: What do you mean by salable condition? I don’t get it.

Me: Salable as in if we can’t resell it, we can’t accept it back & it will be returned to you.

Her: (pause) but what if I think it’s defective?

Me: We can check it out when we receive it but if it’s not defective, we’ll send it back to you with a letter.

Her: Well Kohls takes back everything.

Me: This isn’t Kohls. Kohls is a giant corporation and can afford to do that. This is a small family business but like I said, send it back and we’ll take a look at it.

Her: So what if I want to exchange them for something different?

Me:That’s fine, just write a note as to what you want us to send you.

Her: Ok well here’s the thing. On ________’s website they have it on sale for $25 and you guyses (yes that’s what she said!) site it’s $34. Do you price match?

Me:Unfortunately, we don’t.

Her: Are you friggin serious?! I’ve never heard of a company not price matching. Walmart does it all the time.

Me: Again, Walmart is a big corporation and can afford to do that. Every retailer has their own set of policies and I’m just following ours.

Her: Well I think they suck.

Me: You’re entitled to your opinion.

Her: So you’re not going to price match?

Me:Nope

Her: Are you serious-this is so unheard of. This is outrageous. I’m just going to get them from ______’s site.

Me:Ok

Her:I’m serious. I’m going to get them from ________

Me:I said OK. (dead air) Is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: I think you should consider changing your policy.

Me:I’ll bring it up at the next board meeting. Anything else?

Her:No, that’s it. Guess I’ll get them from_______

Me:Ok. Have a good day.

I would like to thank Kohls for making it next to impossible to have any kind of a return policy. That’s to you, people think it’s ok to return underwear with a skid mark up the back. Not only is the NOT OK but it’s fucking disgusting. These filthy pigs should be ashamed and embarrassed. Yet….. somehow they aren’t. How do you get that way where you can be the most disgusting thing on the planet and subject others to your filth and not care how it effects us, the innocent bystanders who vomit after you’ve left out presence.

Mood: sleepy

On the radio: Three Britney Spears

Color: blue

Mistress of Darkness

Renee

You should be smart enough to track your own package. At least 10 emails a day I answer go like this:

I get a forward of a shipping confirmation we sent & the first line is either “Where’s my order???”, “Where’s my stuff?”, “I ordered this five days ago, have you even shipped it yet?”, “People, I placed and order and want to know where it is? What’s the hold up?” - I assume you get the picture.
In all of our shipping confirmation emails (except international) is their name, shipping address, and TRACKING NUMBER WITH A LINK TO THE WEBSITE TO TRACK THE PACKAGE. Please…please explain to me WHY….WHY they go though all the trouble of forwarding me the whole email to ask in their nicest way to find out where their stuff is when all they have to do is click on the link that says TRACK or copy & paste it? Are they that lazy that doing this is too much for them to handle. Are they just idiots? This is a complete waste of my time. My dream response would be:

Dear Ms/Mrs Lazy Pants,
Thank you for your order. As you can see by the title of the email you were nice enough to forward me (yet not sharp enough to read), this is a SHIPPING confirmation so to answer your question, yes your order has shipped! Whoopie! Where is your stuff….well it’s on it’s way to you! Do I specifically know where it is-well probably in a mail truck somewhere who the hell knows! We don’t install Lojack on our packages (sad but true). Oh wait…. here’s a nifty idea!!!! If you scroll down the email you sent me you will notice a really long number and a link. CLICK THE FUCKING LINK! It does this magical thing-it will track your package for you. We send this to you so you could track your package yourself-not so you could send it back to us and make me do it. Put down the cookie and track your own shit.
Sincerely,
Me

I really am not a fan of Monday unless it’s a paid holiday making it a three day weekend. I have two sick pups at home so I slept on the couch with them-one puking and one pooping every where (it’s so awesome!). I was up till about two am and maybe slept till about 5am and it wasn’t a solid 3 hrs. At one point, I woke up on my stomach and the boy (Ozzy, Oz,boy, sweet boy or Zippy as I will lovingly refer to him as) was curled up in a neat little ball sleeping on my back. What the hell!!!??? I was too tired to even yell at him and tried to go back to sleep. Hopefully this will pass and I can maybe bump that 3 hours back up to 5! Woo Hoo 5 hours of sleep!

So, watched True Blood last night season opener. Ummmm, for anyone who is really into Game of Thrones (like me) will find that show a tough act to follow. I love LOVE Vampire Eric and Alcide oh and Sam to death but I wasn’t as excited as I have been in the past. Oh and I would like to that the writers for giving us more Eric naked scenes (you can never have enough of those). I still like the show but after reading all of the books except the latest one I find I like the story line in the book better. I feel the show is all over the place in a way.

Spoiler!!!!!!!!!!


I don’t like Tara as a vampire. I think it’s dumb and they should have either killed her off or kept her out of the whole Debbie business. I could care less about Jason and his thing for Jessica (who isn’t even in the books…at all!) and the gay preacher vampire having a thing for Jason. They should have had Jason turn in to the warepanter like in the books. I know he’s supposed to be not that bright but come on! Don’t care about Sheriff Andy & witchie girl Holly. Terry/Arlene & new guy-not sure where they’re going with this and hope they go back to having Rene’s ghost show up. That was kind of cool! I miss Jesus-I really did love his character and hope he gets to appear as a ghost here and there. Sookie I will always find annoying and Bill-ehhh… I’m still not sold on his character. I think he’s less of a drip now that he’s king but I’m still not pro-Bill (sorry but I am a 100% Eric girl). I guess I’ll keep watching and see how I feel about it a few episodes in.

OK DONE!!!!!!!!

The first person I spoke with this morning was upset that I sent her back something because she returned it to us with a huge reddish/brown stain on the back of it. Looked like makeup but I wasn’t touching it either way. This wasn’t small either-it was pretty big and obvious. She said that there was no way she did it and that I probably did it because I didn’t want to refund her. Um, yeah I used a pair of panties she returned to remove my dark brown foundation just so I could save the company $10. Lady, that really is not worth my time or effort. I’d rather be taking a nap to be honest. I suppose if I wasn’t vampire white it might hold water but I’m white as a sheet. Some people are so strange-really why would I go through all of that trouble? I guess I have nothing better to do.

I have a dr appointment at the end of the day with Dr. K. I see him once a month and he just asks me how I’m doing then usually ups the dosages on what I take. Well, today I rather tired and burnt out. I’m highly uninterested in anything and have no desire to work out…at all. I was so driven a few weeks ago so I’m wondering if the MGs he has me on are too high? I’ll have to ask! Maybe he can give me something to go with it that’ll pep me up a little.

I really don’t have anything else to report right now-I’m totally exhausted and sweating (yeah there’s that too-feels like I have a fever! and not for more cowbell lol)

On the radio- Journey Remember Me

Mood-drained

color-leopard

Mistress of Darkness

Renee Ann

but I suppose my job makes me one at times. When someone calls with a problem I do my best within my power to help them-especially the ones who get the concept that just because we’re in retail doesn’t mean we’re now your personal punching bag. We’re not brainless bags of crap waiting for you to call us and swear,scream and make sure that we know that you think you’re better than we are. WE ARE PEOPLE. We are mothers, sisters, friends, dads, brothers, fathers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, sons and so forth. I’m sure if someone called your grandmother a “worthless piece of shit” you wouldn’t be like… hmmm yeah grandma, you kind of are.”

Sorry, this is like a run away train with me. Anyways, my point-yes my point- was that I (and my other co-workers) really do our best to help everyone until it gets to the point where we really can’t. I mean this is beyond something we are even able to do (and yes there are things we as retail customer service reps can not do). Which brings me to…..

Gloria Smith calls this morning all discombobulated. First I think she’s complaining because, according to her, her order took “two weeks to ship”. So I look at the order and she placed it on 5/17 and it shipped on 5/25 (my addition says that’s 6 days-but who knows, maybe in dog days it’s 2 weeks). So then she continued to tell me that now she has all these overdraft fees on her bank account because the money was taken out on the 29th and she doesn’t know what to do or why we did this to her. So I let her finish the story and then tell her, as calmly and nicely as I can that she ordered on the 17th and her order shipped on the 25th (6 days later). The item needed to be transferred from one of our stores which was what caused the slight shipping delay (which she understood). I told her that we won’t charge you for something until it ships to you-that it wouldn’t be fair if the item was on back order for an extended period of time. (she agreed with me on that point-that it would be wrong to charge her for something we didn’t have).

So, my point was that we were paid on the 25th when the item shipped. She said that her bank posted this amount on the 29th which caused all of these fees and something that originally cost her $60 has now cost $130. Ok…here it comes…this is the point where I can’t help her. There are two reasons why I can’t at this stage. First, she was hinting at us covering her overdraft fees. Balancing her checkbook is not part of my job description ( answer phones, answer emails, other duties as needed, balance customers checkbook so that they don’t buy things they can’t afford). Do I feel bad-of course. I’ve done the same thing but I wouldn’t dream of calling the company and asking them to fork over money to cover up my stupid math issues. Second, and  this is pretty big here folks… I DO NOT WORK FOR HER BANK. I know hard to believe I don’t work for her bank and can’t tell her why they posted this to her account days after it happened and why I can’t reverse the fees she was charged. (side note: I also do not work at UPS, USPS, Fed Ex, Kohls, Target, Verizon Wireless, or Google).

I did what I could for her. I sent her the copy of the funds transfer from her account to ours which shows the date it posted to ours and told her if her bank needed to talk to me they’re welcome to it. Also told her to go into her branch and speak with the manager. (not call the 800 number and curse out the person who answers the phone) If she has an account in good standing and this has never happened before, they might give her a break. You never know-a nice person with a big heart might take pity on her… after all it is Friday and the sun is out!!!!!!!

Mood-full (I just had two lunches ughhhhhh)

on the radio: Heart Alone

color- all black today

Mistress of Darkness

Renee Ann