So back in September, I made a blog post regarding adjusting my...
You’ll all be happy to know that my favorite full of shit customer emailed me today to let me know that she & her husband had twin boys and she is already pregnant and showing again! I’ll have to congratulate “her” and see if she responds. She never answered my last email-that made me sad. She doesn’t care about me at all… anyways, here’s her latest email. I fixed it so that all of the letters aren’t running together (and I still have no idea why she types in all caps)
HI WELL I THOUGHT I WA GETTING BACK INTO MY BRA. I HAD TWIN BOYS NINE WEEKS AGO. ALL IS WELL SO HUBBY AND I HAD OUR PRIVATE TIME JUST AFTER THEY WERE BORN. SO HUBBY GOT INTO BED BESIDE ME. WELL THINKS HAPPENED AND WELL I AM PREGNANT ONCE AGAIN AND BELLY IS SHOWING.
You should be smart enough to track your own package. At least 10 emails a day I answer go like this:
I get a forward of a shipping confirmation we sent & the first line is either “Where’s my order???”, “Where’s my stuff?”, “I ordered this five days ago, have you even shipped it yet?”, “People, I placed and order and want to know where it is? What’s the hold up?” - I assume you get the picture.
In all of our shipping confirmation emails (except international) is their name, shipping address, and TRACKING NUMBER WITH A LINK TO THE WEBSITE TO TRACK THE PACKAGE. Please…please explain to me WHY….WHY they go though all the trouble of forwarding me the whole email to ask in their nicest way to find out where their stuff is when all they have to do is click on the link that says TRACK or copy & paste it? Are they that lazy that doing this is too much for them to handle. Are they just idiots? This is a complete waste of my time. My dream response would be:
Dear Ms/Mrs Lazy Pants,
Thank you for your order. As you can see by the title of the email you were nice enough to forward me (yet not sharp enough to read), this is a SHIPPING confirmation so to answer your question, yes your order has shipped! Whoopie! Where is your stuff….well it’s on it’s way to you! Do I specifically know where it is-well probably in a mail truck somewhere who the hell knows! We don’t install Lojack on our packages (sad but true). Oh wait…. here’s a nifty idea!!!! If you scroll down the email you sent me you will notice a really long number and a link. CLICK THE FUCKING LINK! It does this magical thing-it will track your package for you. We send this to you so you could track your package yourself-not so you could send it back to us and make me do it. Put down the cookie and track your own shit.