So back in September, I made a blog post regarding adjusting my...
You’ll all be happy to know that my favorite full of shit customer emailed me today to let me know that she & her husband had twin boys and she is already pregnant and showing again! I’ll have to congratulate “her” and see if she responds. She never answered my last email-that made me sad. She doesn’t care about me at all… anyways, here’s her latest email. I fixed it so that all of the letters aren’t running together (and I still have no idea why she types in all caps)
HI WELL I THOUGHT I WA GETTING BACK INTO MY BRA. I HAD TWIN BOYS NINE WEEKS AGO. ALL IS WELL SO HUBBY AND I HAD OUR PRIVATE TIME JUST AFTER THEY WERE BORN. SO HUBBY GOT INTO BED BESIDE ME. WELL THINKS HAPPENED AND WELL I AM PREGNANT ONCE AGAIN AND BELLY IS SHOWING.
if everyone else jumped of a bridge would you jump with them? Ah, famous words of a parent-well at least mine. I remember always wanting to do what everyone else was doing and it’s funny now I hate following the drones who are all doing the same thing. I don’t “trend”… there are no Crocs, Uggs, or big boot fur boots in my closet, I don’t have an Iphone, no Japanese writing tattooed anywhere, and I hate that Goate song. I’m not saying it’s bad to follow the crowd, I just choose to not. I’m not trying to preach individuality to anyone, frankly I don’t care what anyone else does or is doing.
Not caring what everyone else is doing brings me to my first customer of the day. Keep in mind I’ve been up since 3:30am with three sick dogs (wonderful) and have had maybe 4 hrs of sleep. I haven’t eaten yet either. So I get this:
Her: So, I bought these things a few months ago and I don’t like them and want to return them.
Me:Our normal return policy is 30 days, these are 5 months old. If the items are in completely salable condition, you can send them back for credit or exchange.
Her: What do you mean by salable condition? I don’t get it.
Me: Salable as in if we can’t resell it, we can’t accept it back & it will be returned to you.
Her: (pause) but what if I think it’s defective?
Me: We can check it out when we receive it but if it’s not defective, we’ll send it back to you with a letter.
Her: Well Kohls takes back everything.
Me: This isn’t Kohls. Kohls is a giant corporation and can afford to do that. This is a small family business but like I said, send it back and we’ll take a look at it.
Her: So what if I want to exchange them for something different?
Me:That’s fine, just write a note as to what you want us to send you.
Her: Ok well here’s the thing. On ________’s website they have it on sale for $25 and you guyses (yes that’s what she said!) site it’s $34. Do you price match?
Me:Unfortunately, we don’t.
Her: Are you friggin serious?! I’ve never heard of a company not price matching. Walmart does it all the time.
Me: Again, Walmart is a big corporation and can afford to do that. Every retailer has their own set of policies and I’m just following ours.
Her: Well I think they suck.
Me: You’re entitled to your opinion.
Her: So you’re not going to price match?
Her: Are you serious-this is so unheard of. This is outrageous. I’m just going to get them from ______’s site.
Her:I’m serious. I’m going to get them from ________
Me:I said OK. (dead air) Is there anything else I can help you with?
Her: I think you should consider changing your policy.
Me:I’ll bring it up at the next board meeting. Anything else?
Her:No, that’s it. Guess I’ll get them from_______
Me:Ok. Have a good day.
I would like to thank Kohls for making it next to impossible to have any kind of a return policy. That’s to you, people think it’s ok to return underwear with a skid mark up the back. Not only is the NOT OK but it’s fucking disgusting. These filthy pigs should be ashamed and embarrassed. Yet….. somehow they aren’t. How do you get that way where you can be the most disgusting thing on the planet and subject others to your filth and not care how it effects us, the innocent bystanders who vomit after you’ve left out presence.
On the radio: Three Britney Spears
Mistress of Darkness