So back in September, I made a blog post regarding adjusting my...
Me: _______ ______ can I help you?
Customer: Um, well yeah. My name is Chambers and I’m from (where ever) WI and I placed an order weeks ago, maybe a month and it’s taking way too long to get to me.
Me: Ok, can I have your zip code.
Customer: Well it was for some underpants.
Me: I need your zip code to look up your order.
Customer: Oh… oh 608
Me: 608 and?
Customer: That’s it, that’s my area code.
Me: (shoot me) No Ma’am I need your zip code…at the end of your address.
Customer: (grunts because I have now inconvenienced her) 53530
Me: Ok. The only order I see was from 6/23 and it shipped out on 6/26.
Customer: Why did it take so long? I mean what’s the matter with you folks.
Me: Ma’am, we received your order on Saturday and it mailed out on Tuesday. It took one business day to process and one to ship.
Customer: (grunts) Well I still don’t have it.
Me: It went USPS. It’s been in transit two days.
Customer: (sighs) Well what took so long.
Me: Ma’am, you mailed the order in to us and we received it on the 23rd.
Customer: I just think that’s a long time. I mean I mailed it on the 16th. Why did it take so long?
Me: I really can’t answer that you would need to speak to your post office. I can only control what goes on here.
Customer: Well who do I speak to? A supervisor?
Me: Ma’am I am a supervisor and I can’t answer why the mail is slow in your state. You would need to call your post office and ask them. I only can answer for what happens here and your order was processed and shipped in a timely manner and you should have it most likely next week.
Customer: (says nothing)
Me: Anything else I can help you with?
Customer: Do you have the number to the post office?
You should be smart enough to track your own package. At least 10 emails a day I answer go like this:
I get a forward of a shipping confirmation we sent & the first line is either “Where’s my order???”, “Where’s my stuff?”, “I ordered this five days ago, have you even shipped it yet?”, “People, I placed and order and want to know where it is? What’s the hold up?” - I assume you get the picture.
In all of our shipping confirmation emails (except international) is their name, shipping address, and TRACKING NUMBER WITH A LINK TO THE WEBSITE TO TRACK THE PACKAGE. Please…please explain to me WHY….WHY they go though all the trouble of forwarding me the whole email to ask in their nicest way to find out where their stuff is when all they have to do is click on the link that says TRACK or copy & paste it? Are they that lazy that doing this is too much for them to handle. Are they just idiots? This is a complete waste of my time. My dream response would be:
Dear Ms/Mrs Lazy Pants,
Thank you for your order. As you can see by the title of the email you were nice enough to forward me (yet not sharp enough to read), this is a SHIPPING confirmation so to answer your question, yes your order has shipped! Whoopie! Where is your stuff….well it’s on it’s way to you! Do I specifically know where it is-well probably in a mail truck somewhere who the hell knows! We don’t install Lojack on our packages (sad but true). Oh wait…. here’s a nifty idea!!!! If you scroll down the email you sent me you will notice a really long number and a link. CLICK THE FUCKING LINK! It does this magical thing-it will track your package for you. We send this to you so you could track your package yourself-not so you could send it back to us and make me do it. Put down the cookie and track your own shit.
but I suppose my job makes me one at times. When someone calls with a problem I do my best within my power to help them-especially the ones who get the concept that just because we’re in retail doesn’t mean we’re now your personal punching bag. We’re not brainless bags of crap waiting for you to call us and swear,scream and make sure that we know that you think you’re better than we are. WE ARE PEOPLE. We are mothers, sisters, friends, dads, brothers, fathers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, sons and so forth. I’m sure if someone called your grandmother a “worthless piece of shit” you wouldn’t be like… hmmm yeah grandma, you kind of are.”
Sorry, this is like a run away train with me. Anyways, my point-yes my point- was that I (and my other co-workers) really do our best to help everyone until it gets to the point where we really can’t. I mean this is beyond something we are even able to do (and yes there are things we as retail customer service reps can not do). Which brings me to…..
Gloria Smith calls this morning all discombobulated. First I think she’s complaining because, according to her, her order took “two weeks to ship”. So I look at the order and she placed it on 5/17 and it shipped on 5/25 (my addition says that’s 6 days-but who knows, maybe in dog days it’s 2 weeks). So then she continued to tell me that now she has all these overdraft fees on her bank account because the money was taken out on the 29th and she doesn’t know what to do or why we did this to her. So I let her finish the story and then tell her, as calmly and nicely as I can that she ordered on the 17th and her order shipped on the 25th (6 days later). The item needed to be transferred from one of our stores which was what caused the slight shipping delay (which she understood). I told her that we won’t charge you for something until it ships to you-that it wouldn’t be fair if the item was on back order for an extended period of time. (she agreed with me on that point-that it would be wrong to charge her for something we didn’t have).
So, my point was that we were paid on the 25th when the item shipped. She said that her bank posted this amount on the 29th which caused all of these fees and something that originally cost her $60 has now cost $130. Ok…here it comes…this is the point where I can’t help her. There are two reasons why I can’t at this stage. First, she was hinting at us covering her overdraft fees. Balancing her checkbook is not part of my job description ( answer phones, answer emails, other duties as needed, balance customers checkbook so that they don’t buy things they can’t afford). Do I feel bad-of course. I’ve done the same thing but I wouldn’t dream of calling the company and asking them to fork over money to cover up my stupid math issues. Second, and this is pretty big here folks… I DO NOT WORK FOR HER BANK. I know hard to believe I don’t work for her bank and can’t tell her why they posted this to her account days after it happened and why I can’t reverse the fees she was charged. (side note: I also do not work at UPS, USPS, Fed Ex, Kohls, Target, Verizon Wireless, or Google).
I did what I could for her. I sent her the copy of the funds transfer from her account to ours which shows the date it posted to ours and told her if her bank needed to talk to me they’re welcome to it. Also told her to go into her branch and speak with the manager. (not call the 800 number and curse out the person who answers the phone) If she has an account in good standing and this has never happened before, they might give her a break. You never know-a nice person with a big heart might take pity on her… after all it is Friday and the sun is out!!!!!!!
Mood-full (I just had two lunches ughhhhhh)
on the radio: Heart Alone
color- all black today
Mistress of Darkness
I got an email from the pudding club lady. Nothing much going on with her aside from her and her husband found out they were in the pudding club again. For those just tuning in…this lady from probably another country has been emailing me weekly to tell me that she’s “got a pudding in there” or in normal people terms that she’s pregnant. She tends to go on and on about the pudding club and how her husband loves to pinch her fat and he hopes she gets fatter. Well she was supposedly due in August and today I get one that she’s once again in the pudding club. As of last week, we were still waiting on the birth of the August pudding and already a new pudding? What is this lady a friggin’ rabbit… or just a full of shit liar looking for attention because she’s bored and has no friends? (I’m going with door number 2 Bob). I have never answered her emails because well frankly I don’t give a shit about her (or him who knows!) so I wonder what will happen if I do respond to one? Should make for some interesting bloggy material at the least. So stay tuned for that. Here is what she sent & my bait response:
Thank you for contacting **** ***** Customer Service. We noticed you received our weekly email promotion. Please let us know if you have any questions on the sale items or any of the products on our website.
***** ****** Customer Service
HI WELL WELL HUBBY AN I HAVE JUST FOUND OUT I AM IN THE PUDDEN CLUB ONCE AGAIN
Happy Friday kids! Seems we’re always short staffed on Fridays-not sure why that is but regardless it is what it is. I’ve taken two calls and they were both bitches. This is going to be a great day! Lady #1 was yelling at me because what she wanted wasn’t made in black. I tried to explain that to her nicely that it’s only being made in white right now and was accused of “only making things for white girls. Ya know there are other skin tones in the world” Not sure what that had to do with anything but she was yelling it in my ear and sadly, that wasn’t going to get it made in black. Then she wanted money off it for the inconvenience of it not being available in black. Are you kidding me? I’m going to try that…go into an Italian restaurant, order nachos and ask for a discount for the inconvenience of having to order the pasta instead.
Lady #2 wasn’t as ridiculous but she was pretty nasty. I told her one of the things she ordered was back ordered when she asked why it wasn’t sent with the rest of her order. In her snottiest of snot tones she says “Well, it doesn’t indicate it here on this paper (can here her waving it by the phone) you sent with it.” So I told her to check where the quantities were…that there were three columns- quantity shipped, quantity ordered and quantity back ordered. Then there was a moment of silence as we mourned the loss of her intelligence. “So there’s a 1 there. This is horrible service thank you.” I was in mid sentence asking her if she still wanted it shipped when she slammed the phone down in my ear.
And this was all before 930am! You would think end of the week people would be in better moods but no, not really. I’m not in the greatest of moods this week either but I’m not going to take it out on other people. I know it was a short week but it’s actually seemed like the never ending week from hell and last week was no prize either. I think maybe it’s because I don’t sleep at night. I’m always up for hours at a time. Sometimes it’s because of the dogs (yes I share a queen size bed with four dogs) sometimes I’m not comfortable and sometimes I have nightmares.
Busy weekend ahead too. Tonight is Howl at the Moon with some pretty cool people. This place is really fun and I’m looking forward to it. Tomorrow morning Spot & Oz go to the groomers so they’ll probably hate me in the afternoon. Have a girls dinner with my sister and some of her people that night and then who knows. I have a bridal shower the next day and doing the brides hair for it. Don’t get me wrong, normally I love weddings but with all that’s gone on, a part of me isn’t in the game as much as I used to be. Never fear for I am a master (mistress? lol) of hiding what goes on on the inside with a nifty “all in” mask on the outside.
All for now kids…..
Mistress of Darkness
— on the radio: Crazy Bitch Buckcherry
—color of the day: brown
—quote “Well I just talked to Cunty McSnatchBag…”